


Can I Kiss You?

by lovexyou



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Also on AFF, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Some Fluff, also, also also, also every single time i try to write angsty Lisa somehow ice cream comes to mind so, i swear i planned to write something fluffy once and then this just kind of happened, jenlisa, squint for chaesoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-12
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-03-03 09:07:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13337997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovexyou/pseuds/lovexyou
Summary: In which Lisa has trouble giving her feelings for Jennie a name, and when she does it feels both like suffocating and being able to breathe again.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Previously posted in it's unedited, type-stricken glory, but now it's readable and I'm satisfied with it!

The place was packed with people standing around, loudly hopeful and trying to talk with any idols that had come to the after-party. At least, it was meant to be an after-party—there's even some music playing—but since no one's really dancing and the only conversations happening were about the idols there, the atmosphere called for a somewhat casual formalness that's quite too easy to get bored of.

 

It's casually bothersome, almost annoying, but the event calls for all the anxiety a rookie would usually have in their first few shows, minus the fact that this was supposed to be fun and relaxing. As if everyone's watching, analyzing your every move, sizing you up and deciding to themselves whether or not you belong here. At the same time, everyone looks so bored that maybe no one really cares about anything but making an appearance. In any case, calling it an after-party would be an exaggeration.   
  


Despite the atmosphere making it particularly difficult for any idol who had a hard time with anxiety, there were small little gaps of space between the clutters of people where someone, if they managed to not feel stifled due to their surroundings, could dance to the music.

 

Blackpink still hadn't debuted and were there mostly for promotion, but as soon as their moment was done and their presence had been announced, the girls were left to their own devices. They were still new, after all, and there were other idols with more hype invested in them. The girls could either stay and try to speak with all the idols they looked up to, or they could hang out and try to have fun while they still can.

 

In a couple of days time, they would officially debut. This left them feeling overly emotional over what’s to come. These were the hopeful days before the life they dreamed about actually became a reality.

 

So, somehow, this scenery of an awkward after-party was where Jennie found herself playfully swaying to the music, alone, airy and light as a flower with a beauty to match.

 

Lisa soon came to join her after trying, a bit unsuccessfully, to make small talk with a sunbaenim. Jennie seemed a million times easier to spend time with, but that wasn't exactly why Lisa had decided to talk to her.

 

“Glad you could make it,” Jennie jokes with an affectionate smile and a soft gaze, as Lisa had taken a while to meet with her again. When Lisa doesn't immediately answer or do so much as smile, Jennie slows down her dancing and asks, “You okay?”

 

“I’m fine,” Lisa answers, stumbling with her words a bit when she says it yet being casual enough that Jennie was inclined to believe her, at least for a moment. “Just tired.”

 

“Do you wanna go back?” Jennie asks Lisa, her smile being replaced with worry, looking at the maknae with a sharp seriousness. “I can tell Chaeyoung and Jisoo-”

 

“No, no,” Lisa cuts Jennie off, “You should stay — I mean, you’re having fun-”

 

“But Lisa…” Jennie tries to continue, willing to leave if Lisa needs her to. If she needs to take care of the maknae then she damn will.

 

“I’ll be fine tomorrow for the show, I just need to sleep," Lisa finally settles with an answer. Her words are clearer and confident, less mumbly, but she avoids looking directly at Jennie.

 

“If- If you say… so…” Jennie awkwardly tries to say but Lisa had started walking away, either not hearing Jennie over the music or simply ignoring her.

 

Jennie gets an idea and takes a few steps forward to grab Lisa's arm before the maknae could leave. Lisa glances back, confused, her heart somewhat in turmoil though she'd rather not admit it. Lisa could feel her eyes well up with tears, but she hoped that the dim lighting of the after-party could mask that. She didn't even know why she felt like crying, but she did know that she wasn't going to let Jennie worry about it.

 

"Lisaa!" Jennie starts a bit too cheerfully. She gets closer to the maknae to whisper in her ear, not wanting the music to stop Lisa from hearing her. "Text me when you get home, yah?"   


  
Lisa, having not expected her unnie's action, could only give Jennie a halfhearted answer before rushing out of the after-party. In the end, Jennie became even more worried for Lisa.


	2. Chapter 2

Lately, Lisa keeps feeling like she's on the edge of something, something big, but she just doesn't know what the hell it is.

 

 _It’s nothing, really_ _—_ _probably_ _—_ Lisa thought, more so to convince herself, while twisting and turning in yet another sleepless night.

 

But she thinks of Jennie’s caring nature and how Jennie's eyes are the prettiest she’s ever seen and it makes her heart flutter all weird. Lisa knows this _isn't_ nothing, that she's never felt this particular way so strongly, so she worries about what it is or what it could mean. Even more than that, she worries of how Jennie might react.

 

She tries to remind herself that Jennie’s not the type of person to be weirded out with things like these, and probably wouldn’t act any differently. Yet the thought of Jennie knowing scares her, the thought that maybe Jennie’s noticed something’s up while Lisa herself still isn’t sure about anything.

 

She worries with no answers of what it could be or what could happen. She worries in fear and confusion. These feelings make her uncomfortable, but simply wishing them away isn’t working.

 

Lately, Lisa can't help but reflect on her and Jennie's recent interactions, trying to figure out what changed or what's new. That moment when Jennie grabbed her arm before Lisa left the after-party—Lisa's face keeps heating up whenever she remembers it, and right now is no exception. That moment felt so natural, a simple action that happens between them constantly. Worrying and caring for one another. It should be normal, it _should_ make her feel happy that she’s met someone who loves her and wants to make sure she’s okay.

 

Yet it leaves her with an overwhelming sense of confusion when that happiness feels far too strong, like things could change at any moment and fear serves as protection that keeps her in her lane. So long as she ignores it, maybe things will be fine and nothing will change. Despite Lisa being spontaneous by nature, she felt predisposed to shy away from anything too dramatic right now. Especially since she wasn’t even sure what these, these _emotions_ meant.

 

For now, the only answer Lisa had to get on by was that she had been anxious about their debut and maybe somehow, in some freakish way, Jennie reminded Lisa about all their hopes for this dream and how they might not make it in the end. That _would_ still be a valid theory, minus the fact that Blackpink's debut has already passed and that they’ve risen into fame faster than they even _dared_ to dream they would. It's getting harder to believe her best excuse.

 

Lisa laid in her bed, exhausted because of the long day but more so mentally tired. In the room's darkness, she vaguely recalls that they have about four hours before they need to wake up and keep working hard, four hours until another day could begin, yet Lisa just didn't have it in her to continue pretending anymore that all of this anxiety was directed towards idol-hood. She wanted an answer, an actual one, but everything came back to Jennie and how lovely that girl is. And right now in the middle of the night, she might as well try figuring it out.

 

Lisa tries to muffle a giggle that suddenly occupied her tired little heart. She’s not sure why thinking back to her and Jennie’s interactions fills her with such anxious happiness, but she figures it’s best to avoid waking up the other members on accident, hence why she’s trying to hide her current insomnia. Still, she couldn't help but give the darkness of her room a lonely little smile.

 

 _The world doesn't deserve Jennie-unnie. Even_ _I don't deserve her._

 

Some time passed, Lisa continues twisting and turning in her bed in the attempt to somehow exhaust herself into sleep.

 

 _What is this feeling...?_ Lisa thought but couldn't think of an answer.

 

She knew that she wouldn't find an answer anytime soon, especially in the darkness of the night with too much sleep-deprivation in her system to function properly.

 

 _Why do I feel this way?_ She asks herself, confused and tired yet restless, sitting up and rubbing a hand on her face as she gives up on sleep.

 

As quietly as she can, Lisa gets up from her bed and leaves the room to go to the kitchen. She grabs a bottle of water from the fridge and downs half of it in one gulp. It tastes stale.

 

Lisa’s thoughts again went back to those days leading up to their debut, how comforting Jennie had been when Lisa went and told her in the after-party that she was leaving early. Jennie seemed ready to leave with Lisa, so willing to take care of their group's maknae. It really didn't do any good for Lisa's heart when Jennie was like that, but Jennie was always like that— All it managed to do was confuse Lisa more now.

 

Her main frustration, however, is simply not knowing what this feeling is. The more she thought about it, the more Lisa felt like she would be able to name it, but so far she didn't have the slightest clue.

 

She played with the cap between her fingers, not wanting to go back to her room just yet. It wasn’t like she was gonna fall asleep anytime soon anyway.

 

Jisoo walks into the kitchen, eyes mostly closed. She walks right into the fridge, stumbling sleepily before opening it and grabbing a bottle of water. She takes a quick sip before sleepily opening her eyes, almost jumping when she notices Lisa. “Ah, _Lisa?_ ”

 

“Sup, unnie...” Lisa answers a bit awkwardly, sorta caught red-handed in her late-night wandering.

 

“What the hell are you doing up?!” Jisoo scolds, hand over her heart for dramatic emphasis. She spots the water bottle still in Lisa’s hand. “Oh. Nevermind, continue.”

 

Lisa nods, taking another huge gulp of her water.

 

Jisoo’s eyes slowly close again, as if she’s about to fall asleep again, and she starts to walk away before stopping. “Actually, before I go, I wanted to ask you something,” she says while taking a few steps back and turning towards Lisa. “Are you okay? You’ve been acting kinda odd lately.”

 

 _Shit_. “Odd how?” Lisa deflects.

 

Jisoo shrugs. “I dunno. Chaeyoung told me you were acting odd, so I took her word for it. Are you acting odd?”

 

Lisa blinks a few times, confused. “N-not really?”

 

Jisoo looks pointedly at Lisa, though still really sleepy. “Is that a question or an answer?”

 

“Question- wait, answer?” Lisa stumbles. “I’m fine? I think?”

 

Jisoo nods, seeming satisfied as she starts to walk away.

 

“Well, not entirely _fine_ , but mostly,” Lisa caves right before Jisoo leaves.

 

“Ah, so something _is_ up?” Jisoo questions. “You shouldn’t keep your feelings to yourself. That’s unhealthy.”

 

Lisa can’t help but feel oddly anxious, her heart thumping against her chest. “It’s fine, I should be fine,” she chuckles in an attempt to appear relatively normal.

 

Maybe Jisoo’s too sleepy but she seems to accept Lisa’s answer. “Okay, but if you ever need to talk about it, you know we’re here for you.”

 

Lisa looks back at the bottle cap between her fingers, smiling softly. “Thanks unnie. I’ll be fine with some time.”

 

“Good.” Jisoo yawns, trying to hide it in the sleeve of her shirt before blinking back to Lisa. “Well, g’night.”

 

Lisa closes the empty water bottle and disposes it in the trash before quickly going back to her room.

 

Despite feeling a bit more tired now—maybe Jisoo passed her the spirit of sleepiness with that yawn—Lisa was still struggling, tossing and turning once again.

 

She couldn’t help but think back to that night in the after-party, how Jennie was cutely swaying to the music, so carefree despite the stressful nature of being an idol on the verge of debuting. Lisa couldn't help but smile to herself because of how adorable Jennie was in that moment.

 

That's when it happened, as she's worrying in the middle of the night about what this could be. Lisa’s heart swelled but suddenly it was love rather than confusion, her heartbeat speeding up.

 

_That can't... be..._

 

But the more she thought of it in this light, the more real it became. She didn't feel like crying anymore. Her heart was blooming with softness while the uncertainty of the future became the new thing to worry about.

 

Lisa couldn’t help but squirm in happiness over managing to figure it out. It was as if she found the right answer for the hardest problem in a math test, too overwhelmed with joy that for the moment she wasn’t too preoccupied of all the other problems left to figure out.

 

When morning came, for once her smile was as bright and as cheerful as people complimented her for. This happiness, however, Lisa soon found out was short-lived.


	3. Chapter 3

As they walked out of the stage, the members couldn’t help but excitedly gush about their own performance. They always worried about messing up, but this one went without a hitch. The crowd themselves could tell just how much fun Blackpink had performing and mimicked their energy as the group walked out, roaring out cheers. Despite Blackpink being the final act of the day, their cheers continued. Quickly after leaving the stage, they could hear the crowd doing messy renditions of their songs.

 

They were planning on celebrating once they left the venue, but first needed to give their personal goodbyes to the hosts. A few staff members escorted them forwards, but the members were still too excited about the performance to be preoccupied in following their instructions. Jennie felt particularly energetic, still trying to catch her breath. Her face was starting to hurt from smiling too wide.

 

She turned to Lisa, happy to see the maknae actually smiling and not just pretending to do so. The lights were dim and their eyes still hadn't yet adjusted to the backstage’s darkness, yet Lisa's genuine happiness shone brightly.

 

_ She's so beautiful... _ Jennie couldn't help but think, her heart skipping a beat. _ Aish, I love you. _

 

Caught up in the moment, it felt like they were the only two people in the world, walking under the stars together. Alone in each other's company yet without anything to worry about. Someone congratulated Jennie personally with a handshake, under a quick glare from the staff members escorting them, but the moment was gone as Jennie woke up from her daydream. She smiled like she was supposed to, reacted accordingly by accepting their praise, and sighed once she walked away. She’s been daydreaming too much about love lately, and it’s somehow gotten worse now than when she was younger. 

 

Jennie slid her hand on Lisa’s arm, moving to intertwine her fingers with Lisa's as seamlessly as she could, feeling her face heat up but hoping that the lights were dim enough for the blonde not to notice. When Lisa turns to look at who's holding her hand, Jennie averts her eyes in shyness. Lisa feels her own heart boom louder than the still roaring crowd.

 

The more that time passed since Lisa first figured her feelings out, the more Lisa realized there was really nothing she could do about it. There would be no resolution, no happy ending, for feelings like these, especially not in an industry that shuns it’s artists and calls love a scandal. She knew it would be harder for her considering they were both in the same group. Besides, it wasn’t like Jennie  _ liked  _ her like that in the first place anyway.

 

And yet, as Jennie tightens her grip, there's that little spark of hope in Lisa's heart that maybe something can happen.

 

That maybe her feelings will be answered.

 

That maybe they can be happy together.

 

“Smile, you did great out there,” Lisa tells Jennie in a half-whisper, not wanting anyone else to hear.

 

“I am, I am,” Jennie answers, voice light and airy, shaking her head like she’s trying not to laugh out of sheer happiness. She glances down at their intertwined fingers, taking notice that Lisa hasn’t let go yet. “Of course I am. I’m with  _ you _ .”

  
“ _ Aigoo _ ,” Jisoo interrupts, “You two couldn’t wait until later? Even  _ I’m  _ not like that with Chaeyoung.”

 

Chaeyoung stares at Jisoo, her previous excitement gone and replaced with hurt.

 

“But we could be!” Jisoo assured her quickly, sliding her arm around Chaeyoung awkwardly in an attempt to fix her mistake. “If you wanted…”

 

Chaeyoung just looked down as they kept walking.

 

“You’re gonna have to apologize sooner or later,” Jennie teased.

 

Chaeyoung mumbles something like an insult under her breath, removing Jisoo’s arm and walking ahead of them to prove how annoyed she is right now.

 

“Chaeyoung-ah!” Jisoo pouts, trying to grab Chaeyoung’s hand again. “Don’t be like this —  you know I love you!”

 

Chaeyoung just kept walking, still ignoring her and pushing Jisoo’s hand away. “You’re not allowed to sleep in our room tonight.”

 

“ _ Aish _ , I just wanted to tease them! You know how easy it is to fluster Jennie…”

 

Lisa and Jennie giggled to themselves, watching the other two’s antics.

 

“ _ Fine _ then. Lisa, you’ll let me sleep in your bed, right?” Jisoo looks to her with hope in her eyes, secretly trying to make Chaeyoung jealous enough to take it back.

 

“Nope,” Lisa answers, not an ounce of hesitation in her voice.

 

Even Chaeyoung can’t help but laugh a bit at Jisoo’s frustrated sigh. “Aww, Lisa, that’s a bit harsh,” Chaeyoung tells her, taking pity for the oldest in the group.

 

“You’re the one kicking her out of her own room!”

 

“Yeah, but that’s cuz I love her,” Chaeyoung answers, head held up high.

 

Jennie laughs loudly at that, nose scrunching up, and she quickly covers her mouth in an attempt to mask the sound. “It’s like they’re an old married couple!”

 

Lisa smiles to herself, the sound of Jennie’s laughter seeming so beautiful and enchanting. She looks down to their still intertwined hands and feels her heart thumping overwhelmingly louder with too many emotions.

 

Now knowing the name of those emotions, she slowly lets her hand fall back to her side, hoping Jennie’s too distracted with Jisoo and Chaeyoung’s shenanigans to notice.

 

Jennie does notice it, frowning over her skinship being rejected.

 

“I can’t wait until we get home,” Lisa says off-handedly, her previous energy gone. “I’m exhausted~” she yawns.

 

“But I wanted to treat you with ice cream as celebration!” Jennie says, smiling again. She can’t help pinching Lisa’s cheek. “ _ Aish _ , you’re too cute. Fine, I’ll get you ice cream some other time.”

 

Lisa pushes Jennie’s hand away, biting her lip.  _ You’re making this so much harder. _

 

“Hey, what about me?!” Jisoo asks childishly. “I want ice cream too!”

 

“Convince Chaeyoung then,” Jennie deadpans. “Lisa already has my heart, go steal Chaeyoung’s.”

 

Lisa just looks at the floor, her previous smile gone. These jokes used to never bother her, but now they leave her feeling uncomfortable. It was like getting a glimpse of what could be and having to remind herself it didn’t hold any weight. She was simply misinterpreting a joke between friends, a  _ joke  _ she’s been a part of long before she realized how damaged it left her. These feelings were taken as just a joke, because if they were real than they’d be regarded with disgust.

 

Jisoo stares at Jennie for a moment before a light blush takes color on her cheeks, grumpily looking away. “I just wanted ice cream, no need to call me out like that...” she mumbles under her breath.


	4. Chapter 4

“You've been sleeping a lot, Lisa…” Jennie scolds the blonde. She was starting to get worried about Lisa's exhaustion, especially since they had been given an easier schedule for this week. Lisa should have been back to her normal cheerfulness by now, but she’s still moping around for some reason.

 

Lisa shrugs it off, somehow sinking further into the sofa to continue sleeping.

 

_ She’s turning into a cat at this rate _ , Jennie thought, the corners of her lips momentarily turning upwards.

 

The only reason why Lisa had fallen asleep here was because it was closer to the kitchen and she could grab snacks faster whenever she woke up,  _ not  _ so her members could hover over her and try to figure her out. Jisoo had given her a water bottle before leaving for a modeling shoot with Chaeyoung, and that was just about all the social interaction she wanted to have today. Lisa did  _ not  _ need Jennie to be worried about her right now, especially not now that Lisa knew why she felt this way.

  
She loves Jennie, but she didn't want to ruin a good thing when there's so much to be afraid about. So, Lisa decided it was better to ignore these feelings  all together. In consequence, she’s been ignoring most of Jennie’s attempts to get close enough to care for her. It was admittedly lonely to do so, but she figured that things would be better in the long run. It wasn't the first time she ignored her feelings. She can manage.

 

Jennie grabbed the empty water bottle lying on the floor next to Lisa, eyeing the trash can across the room. She chucks the bottle without thinking twice about it, momentarily panicking that it'll miss and make too much noise. It somehow lands perfectly inside, barely even making a sound, an unusual feat due to Jennie generally having terrible luck. Jennie has to stop herself from jumping up in excitement. She looks back to Lisa and sighs, her mood souring because the  _ one time _ Jennie was being impressive just had to coincide with Lisa being too gloomy to pay attention to her.

 

“Did you really not see that?!” Jennie groans, poking at Lisa’s arm.

 

The blonde continues to stay silent, faking sleep so terribly that it almost annoyed Jennie over how obvious she was being.

  
_ Fine, fine, that’s unimportant _ , Jennie thinks to herself.

 

“Hey, can we talk?” Jennie asks, stubbornly sitting down next to Lisa on the sofa. “It’s been a while…”

 

“What do you wanna talk about so badly?” sleepy Lisa groaned, clenching a fist to keep her composure. It’s getting harder to breathe with Jennie around.   
  


“Not much, I just miss you a bunch and you keep ignoring me for some reason.”

 

Lisa stayed silent.

 

“You know I love you right?” Jennie says in a low voice, almost whispering. Her face naturally heats up a bit like it always does when she’s showing affection that’s a little less on the platonic side of things. “I wanna talk to you cuz I love you.”

 

Lisa’s breath catches in her throat as her heart threatens to leave her chest.  _ You don’t mean it _ , Lisa tried to remind herself.  _ Not the way I want you to. _

 

Jennie sighs at Lisa’s continued silence. “I’m really worried about you, Lisa.”

 

Lisa starts to answer automatically, “I’m fine —”

 

“You keep _saying_ that,” Jennie continues, “but you're not. Even though you sleep a lot, you’re always tired. You haven’t been eating well lately, and at first I thought it was a diet or something but you’re skipping whole meals—”

 

“Sometimes I snack,” Lisa argued.

 

Jennie stops mid-sentence, sighing as she realizes Lisa has a point. “But _still_ though.”

 

“You shouldn't worry so much about me.”

 

“I have to!” Jennie replies, voice louder than intended. She tries to calm down a bit. “You’re not worrying about yourself. That means  _ I _ have to,” she confesses. “I know something’s wrong and I can’t stand watching you like this.”

 

“I’m fine, Jennie-yah,” Lisa repeats. “Really, you don’t need to worry so much about me.”

 

_ So something  _ **_is_ ** _ wrong _ , Jennie thinks to herself.  _ Then I’m making sure I can help you. _

 

For a moment, Jennie stays quiet before continuing again. “You… you haven’t been taking care of yourself lately. I feel like I need to step in and…” She pauses, hesitating. “...take care of you.”

 

Lisa gets an idea on how to respond. She sits up and turns to Jennie, looking at her directly in the eye for the first time in this conversation.

 

Jennie, on the other hand, had felt her face heat up over what she last said and was currently worrying that  _ goddammit _ , Lisa just  _ had  _ to look at her now when she’s blushing. “Lisa — ”

 

“I’m sorry, Jennie,” Lisa starts, a confession bubbling in her mouth like bile. She hesitates, biting her lip, feeling like she has their friendship in her hands and if she goes forward then everything  _ will  _ change, most likely for the worst.

 

“What’s wrong?” Jennie asks, hand on Lisa’s shoulder. "I just want you to tell me what's wrong."

 

Lisa decides it's not worth it, that whatever strain in their relationship this causes is temporary. This is just another moment that’s meant to pass. She can manage. She always has.

 

Lisa answers by instead getting up from the sofa and avoiding Jennie's eyes by inspecting the floor instead, raising an eyebrow when she notices that her water bottle is gone. “I’m going to bed.”

 

Jennie watches her retreating figure as Lisa leaves, a sigh escaping her once she's gone. “It’s 3pm, you dunce…”

 

Giving up on doing this alone, Jennie decides that the most she can do at this point is ask the other members later to see if they know anything.


	5. Chapter 5

“Is Lisa coming?” Jennie asks as she sits down with Jisoo to eat her lunch.

 

“Probably not,” Jisoo answers. She lifts up her phone, showing Jennie a text conversation where Lisa said she was running late, apologetic over not being able to meet with them in time.

 

“She’s been _la_ __te_ _ a  lot these days,” Jennie comments, frowning and running a hand through her hair.

 

“Ah, you know how she is,” Jisoo says while poking around in her lunch, trying to determine which way to attack first. “Kids these days, they’re always so emotional.”

 

“Jisoo, do you know why Lisa has been acting so strange?” Jennie asks, crossing her arms over her chest, more focused in getting an answer than eating at this point.

 

“Kind of?” Jisoo answers, tilting her head a bit like she hasn’t really thought about it too much.

 

“What do you mean kind of?” Jennie pressed on, leaning over the table.

 

Jisoo pouts, nudging her food a bit. “Well, she wouldn't tell me. She just tried to avoid the question until I confused her enough." Jisoo stops pouting when she looks up and sees that Jennie is genuinely upset about this. “Eh, don't worry about it too much. Lisa told me she'll be fine with a bit of time.”

 

“What’s that supposed to  _ mean? _ ”

 

“Yeah, that was my reaction too."

 

“What’s happening that Lisa needs time?” Jennie continues, making her voice a little bit lower just so it doesn't sound like she's annoyed or being too pushy. “I mean, if something’s happening then we need her to depend on us, right? So what’s got her like this?”

 

“I dunno.”

 

Jennie sighs — she can't help it — in frustration. “Okay. I’m gonna have to figure out what it is myself, but thanks anyway, Jisoo.”

 

“No prob, but why not let her handle it?" Jisoo starts, her gaze looking up to meet Jennie’s. "She's her own person, you know. She's still growing up, we're just here as her group mates and friends to give her support. Obviously she doesn’t wanna come to us about it for some reason."

 

"Yeah, but... Fine, I'm really worried about her but when I tried to talk to her — to see if she needed someone to listen or anything — she kind of pushed me away.” Jennie sighed, biting the inside of her cheek. “She's not usually like this, she usually talks to me about these kinds of things instead of just playing it off as nothing. I can tell it’s bothering her a lot but she won’t let me at least try and help her."

 

"Maybe it's a secret," Jisoo says offhandedly, switching her attention back to the food in front of her. "If it’s a secret then maybe that’s why she's trying to keep it away from you. Like, maybe when she’s around you she really wants to tell you but can’t for whatever reason."

 

"Then she would've told you or Chaeyoung — "

 

"Not really. She talks to you the most about personal issues. Of course, we're here to love and care for her, but it's not the same as  _ you _ ." There’s a little lift in Jisoo’s tone, like she means more than what she says when referring to Lisa’s bond with Jennie. “And if it’s something big, maybe she’s worried we’d tell you about it.”

 

Jennie falls back on her chair.  _ This is so frustrating, _ she thinks as she sees Chaeyoung walking towards them.

 

Jisoo coughs a bit before continuing. "If it was something really bad, I'm sure she would've already told us."

 

"I miss her," Jennie admits with such a hopeless tone in her voice that it catches both Jisoo and Chaeyoung off-guard. She bites her lip, feeling like saying that was too big of a declaration even if it was only for her members to hear.

 

"Who, Lisa?" Chaeyoung asks casually, sitting down across them and sneakily extending her arm to steal food from Jisoo's plate while Jisoo’s attention is on Jennie. "You and Lisa have been acting all lovesick over each other these days."

 

"What?" Jennie straightens up so fast that it moves her food a bit forward if she hadn’t noticed in time to stop it from tipping over. "I mean, I doubt it." She looks back and forth between the two, eyeing their expressions to make sure they haven’t caught on to anything Jennie didn’t want them to know yet.

 

"Honestly, it's kind of cute," Chaeyoung continues, eyeing Jisoo’s food again before taking a bite of her own when Jisoo glares at her.

 

"Yeah, it's like watching two puppies," Jisoo adds, casually pushing her own food closer.

 

_ They can't know _ , Jennie thinks to herself, trying to figure out how to clear her name out of potential suspicions or move the conversation completely away from it.  _ Not yet at least. _

 

Fortunately, Chaeyoung pipes in again before she has to. "What do you guys think it could be?"

 

Jennie lets go of a breath she didn't realize she was holding.

 

"I told Jendeukie here that it might be a secret Lisa is trying to keep from her," Jisoo answers.

 

"Ooh, a secret? Sounds like it could be," Chaeyoung tells Jisoo before turning back to Jennie. "I know you’re worried about her, but Jisoo’s probably right. Just wait for some time to pass and then Lisa might do this big reveal. It might even be a surprise for you!”

 

“Ah, that makes sense!” Jisoo agreed. “Maybe that’s why she’s tired, too?”

 

“Then she would’ve  _ told  _ one of you,” Jennie argued.

 

“Not necessarily,” Chaeyoung states. “Maybe she thinks we might spoil the surprise?”

 

Jennie sighs, doubting that it’s something as simple as that. Still, she wants her friend back.

 

“Wasn’t Lisa supposed to eat lunch with us today anyway?” Chaeyoung asks, turning towards Jisoo.

 

"She was," Jisoo answers.

 

"Is she coming later, then?"

 

“Probably not.” Jisoo lifts up her phone, showing Chaeyoung the still open text conversation with Lisa claiming she’s running late.

 

Chaeyoung frowns at the message. “Oh, so she’s late?”

 

“ _ Late _ as in she doesn’t want to meet up and needed an excuse that made sense,” Jennie said, poking at her food.

 

“Ah, Jennie-yah, that seems unfair to assume,” Chaeyoung claimed, reading the text again. “She seems really sorry about it, you know.”

 

“Yeah, she seems _sorry_ a lot these days…” Jennie mumbles to herself.


	6. Chapter 6

Jennie's plan was simple: persuade Lisa by using aegyo and ice cream to lower her defenses and then get them both watching a drama. Since Lisa gets invested in dramas easily, she’ll get comfortable and then Jennie can simply just coerce an answer out of her. Okay, maybe that was really just the first idea she came up with, but since they were never able to go on that ice cream date, at least she can avoid being suspicious until she has Lisa trapped. It was a start. Besides, Jennie was confident that Lisa couldn’t ignore her cute charms.

 

“Liiisaa, I got ice cream~” Jennie says in an overly-high voice, cracking up that cuteness factor to a disturbing ten, hoping that this’ll work or else her soul is dying inside for nothing. She forgot just how much her whole being _cringes_ when doing aegyo, but desperate times call for desperate measures and _this better work_ or she’s just wasted perfectly good persuasion ice cream _and_ lost a little bit of her dignity.

 

“I don’t want any— wait, ice cream?” Lisa asks just to be sure, sitting up from the sofa so fast that it makes her a bit lightheaded.

 

Jennie hovers the ice cream cup over Lisa like she’s tempting her before finally letting the blonde have it. “Ice cream~” she echoes, cringing at herself again but trying not to let it show on her face. “Ice cream for the sweetest girl~”

 

“Unnie, you sound like you’re trying to get me into joining a cult.”

 

“I-I’m just being cute!” Jennie defends herself. “I need to practice— for the fans!”

 

Lisa eyes her carefully. “Fine. If you really need to practice.”

 

Jennie scoffs. “Besides, I _am_ cute!”

 

"Then why are you practicing?" Lisa counters, thoroughly entertained by Jennie's frustration.

 

Jennie fumbles, taken off-guard. “B-because I need to _act_ cute, too! That way, I can suit any concept.”

 

“Sure, Jennie, sure.” Lisa can't help but find it absolutely _adorable_ how Jennie pouts yet continues to try and maintain that cute charm without showing how annoyed she's getting at Lisa's apparent indifference.

 

Jennie pouts a little deeper, eyebrows scrunched together. She's so preoccupied with defending herself that she's starting to forget why she was doing this in the first place. “You think I’m cute, right?”

 

Lisa’s eyes widen as she looks down at the ice cream in her hands, deciding it’s best not to answer that and to just switch subjects. “H-hey, didn’t Jisoo also want some back then?” Lisa asks, remembering how they weren’t able to celebrate that one time because they ended up being so tired after their performance.

 

“She has _Chaeyoung_ ,” Jennie grumbled, even more annoyed now since Lisa's ignoring her previous question. “And _you_ have me.”

 

“But that time we promised that we would all get some together,” Lisa recalls.

 

“I wanted to get you some either way~” Jennie cooes, sitting down next to Lisa. She takes a spoonful of ice cream and holds it close to Lisa’s mouth.

 

“I can feed myself,” Lisa says, snatching the spoon carefully so as to not let it drip. She can’t help but smile at how this overly cute Jennie was somehow pouting even more.

 

It takes a moment but Jennie recovers and starts to smile a bit too brightly again. “Wanna watch a drama with me~?”

 

Lisa seems like she's not going to answer—or at least not with a yes—but then she looks back at Jennie and nods, thankful for Jennie’s efforts. She figures she can survive that, an hour or two in silence with her. Besides, if it's a drama then Lisa can just invest herself into the plot and try to pretend that she's not sitting next to the cutest girl in the world. And if she ever feels like Jennie’s too close, Lisa could always get up with the excuse that they need more snacks.

 

Jennie smiles, grateful that it worked. It was a step in the right direction. Sure, _maybe_ it was the sugar of the ice cream instead of the sweetness of Jennie's aegyo, but she could care less at this point of the logistics. She just wanted Lisa back, for them to be how they used to be, and this was one way to get back to that.

 

“You’re fun to tease,” Lisa tells her. “I guess you’re cute.” Lisa takes a particularly big scoop of ice cream into her mouth to stop herself from talking.

 

Jennie's heart beats a bit faster, pride welling up. She tries to twist it in her head that it's because she successfully seduced Lisa with her cuteness, and that this pride is the result of feeling confident in her abilities. She tries not to think too much about why getting Lisa's attention leaves her so happy, for she knows overthinking simple things like these will lead her to a rabbit hole that's quite easy to get hopelessly stuck in. She had long gotten used to the fact that her feelings for Lisa won't ever be answered, yet she still loves being close with her and didn’t want them to lose this bond they had. Whatever heartbreak she felt over Lisa wasn't worth letting their friendship break, even if moments like these made it a bit harder for her.

 

And if Jennie wasn't letting herself be the reason, she was making sure that she could fix this.

 

Her heart did happy little jumps and her face was slightly warm. She sits down next to Lisa, putting the ice cream down as she pulls up her laptop to find a good drama for them to watch together.


	7. Chapter 7

_T-too close!_ Lisa thinks as Jennie casually puts her head on her shoulder as the drama reaches one of its most emotional scenes yet. Lisa wants to tell her to move, but the words get caught in her throat as she dawns at the realization that, _shit_ , Jennie is _purposefully_ trying to get closer to her.

 

Her mind races, trying to think of how the hell she's going to manage to survive this. Lisa remembers that she had previously planned to escape into the kitchen—

 

A female character from the drama yells out " _Let go of me!_ " as a male character tries to desperately pull her back into the building and shield her from the pouring rain.

 

The male character breathes in sharply, attempting to contain their anger as the girl tries to pull her hand away. " _Stop making a scene_ ," the male character almost hisses at her. He exhales loudly. " _Listen, we'll talk about this later,_ " he says, letting go of her hand. His voice is far too calm and gentle for the occasion. " _It's raining really hard, let's go back inside. Okay?_ "

 

" _You don't care!_ " the girl screams out, voice soaked in so much ethereal pain that Lisa momentarily forgets her current situation. The girl takes a couple steps away, the camera switching views so that all the audience can see is her shaking figure as she starts to run off into the rain.

 

The guy watches her go, lowering his face to the ground as he mumbles something to himself.

 

Jennie casually twirls a lock of Lisa's hair.

 

_The kitchen!_ Lisa's mind screams at her. She's about to move away from Jennie with the promise of bringing them some snacks (and buying Lisa some time to cope with Jennie's constant closeness) but then the male character is running into the rain.

 

Lisa tries to figure out her options. On the one hand, Jennie's too _close_. On the other, Lisa's too invested in watching this drama the she can't afford to accidentally miss an important moment by leaving.

 

Lisa bites her lip as she starts to shift, but then stops moving when she feels Jennie cuddle closer. Glancing at her, she can't help but find her cute again. As much as she knew that she needed to keep Jennie at arm’s length if she wanted to lose these feelings for her, doing that for the past few weeks had gotten tiring and Lisa couldn’t even _remember_ the last time she and Jennie did something as domestic as watch a drama together. She found comfort in being close to her after avoiding her for so long.

 

Besides. The drama's getting to the good part.

 

Despite settling into the decision to stay, Lisa’s heart is beating so loudly that she’s positive Jennie can hear it.

 

_At least she can’t see I’m blushing…_

 

On Jennie’s side, however, she finds the drama sorta boring in it’s execution and was much more interested in the girl next to her. Lisa felt a bit too warm, feverishly so, and it was starting to worry Jennie.

 

“Lisa, are you okay?” Jennie asks after a moment, giving up in pretending that she’s at all interested in what they’re watching.

 

"I am, Jennie-yah…” Lisa answers, keeping her eyes glued to the screen so she doesn’t have to turn and see her.

 

“Physically?”

 

Lisa furrows her eyebrows before answering, “Yeah…?”

 

“Emotionally?”

 

Lisa hesitates.

 

“I won’t make you tell me if you really don’t want me to.” Jennie bites her lip, cuddling a little closer. “But are you going to be okay? Whatever’s troubling you, are you really gonna be okay in dealing with it by yourself?”

 

For a moment, Lisa’s not gonna answer. She doesn't need to answer, after all. Jennie may worry a lot, and she may be pushy sometimes, but Jennie really won't force Lisa into saying something Lisa just doesn't want to say.

 

But, then again, Lisa’s tired and her mouth is sugary and everything feels right between them like it used to.

 

“I think I’ll be okay,” the blonde admits in such a small voice that it’s barely above a whisper.

 

“If you need somebody,” Jennie continues, burying her face in the crook of Lisa’s neck with more affection than she would’ve committed before. She really missed her, after all. “If you ever need somebody to hold you or somebody to talk to, I’m here to be that person for you as much as I can.” Even though Lisa doesn't know it, Jennie’s heart is beating just a step faster.

 

Lisa’s too sleepy to think things through as much as she usually does, or at least that's what she's telling herself. “Then stay with me...” she quotes one of their songs jokingly, her attention shifting completely towards Jennie, drama be damned.

 

“I will.” Jennie lifts her head up to look at Lisa in the eyes to make sure that Lisa knows she’s serious.

 

“Promise?”

 

“Promise.”

 

They stay like that, looking at each other, waiting for the other to act first.

 

Jennie's the first to speak up, averting her gaze. “I... I need to ask you something."

 

"Okay...?" Lisa answers, urging Jennie to continue when she notices that Jennie looks hesitant.

 

"You..." Jennie sighs, not knowing how exactly to go with this. "I need you to give me an honest answer. Please, promise me you won't lie or something..."

 

Lisa opens her mouth to answer but when no words come out she instead just nods.

 

"I've been thinking about this a lot..."

 

"Is something wrong?" Lisa asks, eyebrows furrowed.

 

Jennie laughs softly. "You're not allowed to ask that when you're..." Jennie trails off.

 

"Just tell me," Lisa answers. "What's on your mind?"

 

"It's nothing to worry about..."

 

" _Jennie_." Lisa pouts. "Tell me what's wrong?"

 

Jennie sighs, twirling another lock of Lisa's hair around her fingertips. “If— _hypothetically_ —if something huge happened that could get me kicked out of the group, would you start avoiding me?"

 

"There's nothing you could do that would ever get me stop loving you," Lisa answers almost too fast in the attempt to make Jennie feel better.

 

“ _Lisa_ ,” Jennie scolds, the corners of her lips curving upwards at how dramatic that answer was. “I’m being serious.”

 

“So am I.”

 

At the same time, they both take notice of their close proximity to one another, but for once neither of them are willing to pull away. Lisa didn't want her feelings to grow, but she felt too drawn to the girl in front of her to put distance between them again. Jennie didn't want to face rejection, but for once fear didn't control her like it’s done for so long. The drama still played in the background of their story, the soft music from some impactful scene becoming the melancholic theme of _their_ moment. Whatever significant moment in the plot was going completely ignored as they encountered their own reality for once.

 

A reality that Jennie could's help but daydream in vivid details as she cupped Lisa’s cheek with one hand to make sure this was real. She glances at Lisa’s lips. Lisa’s lower lip was quivering slightly.

 

Tentatively, Jennie looks at Lisa’s eyes, too afraid to move an inch closer just yet. “Can I kiss you?”

 

Lisa nods, her heart beating so fast that she knows she won’t be able to utter the word ‘ _yes_ ’ without messing up somehow. Jennie places both of her hands at the side of Lisa’s face and gently drags her thumb over Lisa’s bottom lip in a gentle caress, almost willing it to stop trembling. She inches closer, closing her eyes, tilting her head a bit. She pauses in hesitation, giving a few seconds as a way for Lisa to stop her is this was one-sided. When Lisa doesn’t move away, Jennie finally presses their lips together in a chaste kiss, pulling away almost as quick. Lisa's lips are so impossibly soft, having the faintest taste of ice cream, and Jennie wants to taste their sweetness again.

 

Jennie opens her eyes to meet Lisa's own, asking, this time silently, if that was okay to do. Lisa's lips part a bit as she pulls Jennie down and desperately kisses her back. The kiss quickly becomes rougher, more desperate, Jennie softly biting Lisa’s bottom lip as she feels the girl under her shift and drag her onto her lap.

 

Jennie smiles as she licks the sugar off of Lisa's lips.

 

She's the first to pull away—too early for Lisa's liking. Jennie got what she never thought she'd get, to kiss the lips of a princess. She starts to shimmy out of Lisa’s lap, unsure of what to say, maybe something along the lines of an excuse as to why she asked her that and an apology for going too far.

 

Lisa breathes heavily, having forgotten that oxygen is important regardless of who she’s kissing. Jennie bites her own lip as she stares at her. Jennie tries to twist it in her head, to make sense of it, and comes to the conclusion that Lisa probably felt lonely and that that was the only reason she kissed her back. Jennie racks her brain over a way to apologize for taking advantage of Lisa when she’s down.

 

She starts to physically move off of her again but before she can take it all back and break both of their hearts, Lisa cups Jennie's face gently and leans in again, this time with a hungry passion. The kiss gains fire as they press closer to one another, their fears completely gone now as they settle into the euphoria of a love far too long ignored. Lisa lets one hand fall from Jennie's face and settle at her waist instead, cradling her impossibly closer. Jennie moves her legs at either side of the blonde and falls into her, pushing her down with the fierceness of the kiss, whatever fear she had over Lisa not returning her feelings completely gone.

 

They pull away from each other for a bit, needing air again. Jennie hides her face in the crook of Lisa's neck, surprised with herself for ending up kissing Lisa in a place where their group members could have walked in at any moment and seen them. Despite knowing that, she didn’t want to let go just yet.

 

Lisa lifts Jennie's face up to hers and looks at her with such loving and fearful gaze. “I love you,” she whispers with all the affection she's been trying to hide the past few weeks, almost afraid of her own confession.

 

Jennie simply replies by pressing their lips together again. "I love you too," she mumbles between kisses, smiling once again.


	8. Chapter 8

They later on stopped, not wanting to be found out. The happiness of it all made Lisa get some of the best sleep in her life, while Jennie was tired in the morning because she couldn't help but think all night of what the future held for them. Something about Lisa’s “ _I love you_ ” made Jennie feel hopeful over maybe, just _maybe_ , there being bright days to come for the two of them, that they could dodge all the dangers that came with falling in love.

 

That _maybe_ they could get their happy ending after all.

 

A few hours later, nearly midnight, Jisoo personally delivers a water bottle to Lisa in her room.

 

“Here,” Jisoo says, a sly smile on her face as she pushes the water bottle into Lisa’s hands when Lisa opens the door. “For the thirst.”

 

“Um, thanks?” Lisa answers, not catching the implication. As she’s taking a sip, it hits her what Jisoo meant. “U-unnie!” Lisa chokes out, mouth still filled with water.

 

Jisoo just giggles, satisfied with Lisa’s reaction. She starts to leave but Lisa grabs her arm.

 

“Wait, did you…?”

 

“It’s unhealthy to hide your feelings, so I’m glad,” Jisoo says, smiling widely and nodding. “And it’s nice seeing you happy again.”

 

“You… You knew that was why…?”

 

Jisoo pats the maknae’s head. “You need to deal with your feelings instead of just ignoring them and hoping they’ll go away,” she chastises playfully. “But I’m glad everything worked out.”

 

Lisa smiles softly, taking another sip of water.

 

“To be honest, it was getting kinda uncomfortable hanging out all together when there was _heaps_ of unresolved sexual tension between the two of you.”

 

Lisa chokes again.

 

Jisoo pats the blonde’s back in an attempt to help. “I mean, it’s better than you ignoring everyone! Just, you know, _resolve_ it.”

 

Lisa coughs loudly, the implication of what Jisoo means by _resolving_ all the unresolved sexual tension only further weakening her ability to breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told myself not to make longer fics but welp, here we are. I already have another jenlisa fic in the works and that one is already longer than this one.
> 
> Find me on twitter: @sonhyewolf


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